i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
