Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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