hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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