going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
