i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
did you just send me my own nude
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
