Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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