Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
