its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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