Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
