you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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