**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just had sex on a roof
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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