Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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