I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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