Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
