Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
