Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
