Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
