Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
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Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
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I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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