Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
