i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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