Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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