Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
