I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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