I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
it wasn't lemon gatorade
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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