alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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