I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize