It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
