you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Green mimosas i think yes
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
