A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
