How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
