Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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