I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
