Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Your face is a jimmy john
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
