I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
