I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize