Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
