hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
