We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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