So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
