Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
