I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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