For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sorry about my life...
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
