i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
