just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
