Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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