if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
