Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
