you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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