I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Who died my cat blue again?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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