I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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