Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
