TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
