You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
