I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
