It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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