So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
