I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
