I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
