My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
