Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
