Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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