Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
