the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
