god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
