Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
