how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
