My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
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