Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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