So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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