I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
